WARNING ***vent alert***

I am so flipping raging angry right now. I have had the pleasure of Doos wrath on me - via text of course. Now Youngling wont settle. I fear he can sense my upset and I cannot help but snap at hip sharper than a crocodile can. I dont know what makes it worse the fact that I'm angry at Doo or with myself for getting so upset (am seriously splotchy right now) or that I'm so disappointed in myself for taking it out on my son.

The story:

(please bear in mind I have been rather accommodating with Doo and amicable since split)

I had text Doo to let him know that Youngling had received very high praise at school today and that I had paid his session fees up until the end of March. (Note:I use the money Doo gives me for Younglings maintenance to pay for this - he doesn't pay any extra towards Younglings education).

Anyway I continued (in text) that I wasn't available to help him out next Tuesday if he would be late picking up Youngling from school for his 'doctors' appointment. Why he couldn't re-schedule his appointment is beyond me.

All was ok until...

Doo replied that he wouldn't be picking Youngling up in the mornings just to take him to school that it was unfair on him so would 'let' me do it and he'd pick him up at lunchtime.

Knowing that Doo doesn't work and wont be working the night before he is due to pick Youngling up (yet he has absolutely no desire to have Youngling stay over for an extra night - don't even get me started on the says - lack thereof - he actually sees his son) I then thought 'enough is enough'.

I admit it I retaliated, quite calmly I must add- of which I am quite proud. I've just had enough. It is not fair that I have built my sons hopes up that Doo would be taking him to school in the morning to now have to let him down just so Doo can have a lie in. Almost ten months of mess and mayhem and just when I think things are starting to get better. The last few times he came to get Youngling he had to sit down (on my doorstep) as he was clearly stinking of booze either from the night before - or he hadn't been home. It is unacceptable. I know this isn't anywhere near as bad as when he got arrested one time (totally out of character but it happened nonetheless) I just don't know what to do for the best anymore.

Are you a single parent? Have you ever had to make the decision to not let your child see his dad/mum? Where do I go from here? And will it ever get easier?

Take care

Kate

xx